The Nichijou Blog will have a blackout for four months of February, March, April, and May so I can focus on my studies and get my certificate of completion for my pastry courses by summer of June/July of 2023. However, other blogs like My Trans Life Blog will not be affected as that blog is more fundamental whereas this one is more like an online day-to-day diary of some parts of my personal life in depth. I also have a lot of other projects to catch up on and I have to prioritize. Enjoy other parts of my website in the meantime!

I feel like people should spend their energy on minding their own business and doing whatever it takes for them to resolve their own problems without having to infringe or impede on others. I've stopped meddling in with other people and participating or being a spectacle of their endless problems because I would be so stressed out, overwhelmed, set under a sense of guilt or obligation by those people who problem dump and at  the end of what should have been a productive day for myself alone, I am often drained both mentally and emotionally by those people who loop me into their 99 problems. After a solid 2 weeks of just minding my own business and letting go of some mundane responsibilities that aren't even mine to begin with, I feel less heavy and I could finally breathe and I can finally see a clearer path of what I need to do and what I want to do for myself as well as what type of energy that I want to be around. At this point and time in my life, I need to be around sophisticated, mature, and optimistic people who have their shit together, who knows what they want in life, what they are doing, and where they are heading in the future. I don't have the time to hang out or waste time on those whose energy or life is all over the place, I too, need to be motivated and inspired, otherwise, I get bored, annoyed, and I withdraw from people who spend more time in others people's business instead of minding their own wondering why their financial, living, friendship, love, family, or social life is in chaos because they weren't focused on what they need to be doing for themselves. It's perfectly okay to say no, no thank you, and I'm going to pass to people. At the end, I got to do me, and I prefer that other people just focus on themselves instead of putting too much focus on others who are trying to just focus on themselves. I'm an adult and I'm self reliant, self sufficient, and successful because I never take a moment to lax off and fuck around. At this time in our lives, pre and post pandemic, it's all about survival and to that I now say, "One man to themselves! Survival of the fittest!" If people can't pay their rent, bills, or food, they need to hustle and make it because out there, it's a cruel world, people are selfish, some may be kind if you are lucky to come across them, but through my life experience, I learn that in the end, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN!

My savings goal by the end of this year is $10,800 (saving aside $900 a month) and then multiply that number in 4-6 more years, I would have $64,800. I want to be able to put a down payment for my first house here in the State of California and pay off the mortgage. I just want a simple single family home, 1-2 bedrooms, 1.5 bathroom, kitchen, garage, attic, basement, front, and backyard with a price listing of about $200,000 or less. I just want to be able to have my own property, pay the mortgage, property tax, electricity, gas, water, trash, phone, and internet bills then rent it out to people after I pay off the entire mortgage so I can just collect rent money and purchase me another spit of property. I would definitely modernize my home and make it luxurious to give it high property value and rent it for $2,000 a month.

It could even be a rink-a-dink plot of land where I could just hire an architect to remodel the home and contractors to fix it right up and build me a home from the ground up. Even if I surpass my savings plan over the outlook within the next six to ten years span in which by that time I would have hit my late 40's to early 50's, I would have a place to call my own. Before both my parents pass away, I want to secure my future so I don't have to rely on anyone ever again. If I somehow die early in my 50's or 60's, I would just give my inheritance to my adopted child.

Taking today to spend some quality time with myself. I gave my bedroom a cleaning and bedroom makeover. I'm enjoying some red wines that I have hoarded over the past few weeks and I'm so happy to say that I'm not under any obligation to share them with anyone! I just remembered how this one person in my life would constantly drink up my wine stock and it was just so annoying because I purchase over $200 worth of red wines every other month and the red wines I select are for me and for my wine studies and tasting notes. I'm never going to allow anyone to obligate me in any way and learn to just say no, nope, and no thanks, I'll pass. Just with anything. 

I'm not a loner because no, I'm not lonely or experiencing and loneliness because it's quite the opposite. I have felt just about everyone has bothered me and all I ever want more than anything is to be left alone for once so having some alone time for me, myself, and I is just peaceful, relaxing, stress free, and I have a sense of serenity that I am a happy person but what makes me unhappy is the neediness of those around me like my parents, room mates, and some people whom I have severed contact with and yes, I enjoy being alone! I have preferred to be alone for quite some time but don't mind the occasional company of friends whom I truly am closer to and not be around fake people who only want me around to get something out of me like money, tobacco, alcohol, food, or endless favors in regards to borrowing, loaning, lending, or doing errands for someone else that I'm under no obligation or is help responsible for. I know now what I want around me and the things that I no longer want around me. 

So this is the new me and I am also practicing a new lifestyle.
This is my schedule for the week, my daily routine, and my activities:

Sunday
4:00 am to 3:00 pm - Working (8 Hours )
3:00 pm - 5:00 pm - Intermission/Daily Blogging Session (3 Hours)
6:00 pm to 9:00 pm - Virtual Pastry Class & Introduction to Sommelier Virtual  Sake Sunday's Tasting Class Hosted By TBD (4 Hours)

Monday
OFF - Hygiene Regimen
12:00 pm - 1:00 pm - Daily Blogging Session (1 Hour)
1:00 pm - 3:00 pm - French Lessons for Advance Speakers (2 Hours)
4:00 pm - 6:00 pm - Violin Lessons for Intermediate Musicians (2 Hours)

Tuesday 
OFF - Hygiene Regimen
12:00 pm - 1:00 pm - Daily Blogging Session (1 Hour)
1:00 pm - 3:00 pm - Italian Lessons for Beginning Speakers (2 Hours)
4:00 pm - 6:00 pm - Adobe Creative Cloud Illustrator Classroom In A Book Lessons (2 Hours)

Wednesday
4:00 am to 3:00 pm - Working (8 Hours )
3:00 pm - 5:00 pm - Intermission/Daily Blogging Session (3 Hours)
6:00 pm to 9:00 pm - Virtual Pastry Class & Introduction to Sommelier Class Virtual White Wine Wednesday's Tasting Class Hosted By TBD (4 Hours)

Thursday
4:00 am to 3:00 pm - Working (8 Hours )
3:00 pm - 5:00 pm - Intermission/Daily Blogging Session (3 Hours)
6:00 pm to 9:00 pm - Virtual Pastry Class (4 Hours)
​
Friday
4:00 am to 3:00 pm - Working (8 Hours )
3:00 pm - 5:00 pm - Intermission/Daily Blogging Session (3 Hours)
6:00 pm to 9:00 pm - Virtual Pastry Class & Introduction to Sommelier Class Virtual Friday's Red Wine Tasting Class Hosted By TBD (4 Hours)

Saturday
4:00 am to 3:00 pm - Working (8 Hours )
3:00 pm - 5:00 pm - Intermission/Daily Blogging Session (3 Hours)
6:00 pm to 9:00 pm - Virtual Pastry Class & Introduction to Sommelier Class Virtual Hops & Spirits Saturday's Tasting Class Hosted By TBD (4 Hours)

Saying goodbye to the old me, old friends, old relationships, and those who no longer serve me.

I had to block or spam some contacts, delete old content, posts, and old contacts that I never really connect to or with.

Why I prefer French wines over American wines? The taste of French wines is just more sophisticated than American wines. I feel like American wines are just too heavy. I'm trying to get away from buying American wines from the new world and sticking to what the old world of wines. 

It's been a long while since I dreamt anything so vivid and deep then remembered what I dreamt about the next morning. 

I had to place some boundaries with my parents, my family, and some people who seem to just drain me so I have severed my response to them and even severed some ties of some people were deemed far too immature and needy for me to even relate. 

I had to step back and step down from taking care of my parents. I hired a nurse to check up on him every once a week and send me emails if his status changes. My parents consistently call me almost every day, every two hours, often back to back. When I finally answer or call back, it's, "Oh what are you doing?" My answer is always the same and they should know this, "Work. School. Repeat." I'm overwhelmed dealing with it and it's interfering with my ability to concentrate on self-care, healing from a breakup, focusing on work and school because when it's non-emergency, they call me everyday to just check-in, and I'm a full grown adult, I'm completely fine!

The constant third degree takes me back to when my parents caged me (a trigger): "What are you doing? Where are you going? What time do you get off work?" Like, what for? It's all they call me for to ask those question. Nothing new.

​I'm sure they are lonely and do it out of boredom but it's impossible that they would miss me when I just paid them a visit like yesterday then suddenly 14 missed calls, 9 blank voicemail messages today just to get me to call back for them to ask what I'm up to. Truth of the matter is, although, I do love my parents, the reality is that yeah, they will die soon but the guilt trip and their constant reminder of them not going to be here for long doesn't provide or pave the way for what I need to do as a backup plan for myself when they are gone. Asian parents are stubborn when it comes to letting their adult children go. I recently had a one-on-one verbal with my father to have him let me go so I can do what I need to do to survive on my own but he's often unyielding and childish. He did the French thing, yelled at me then got mad, threw a tantrum over the phone, hung up, and ended it at that.

Putan! Mes parents doivent comprendre mes propres besoins et objectifs dans la vie.

Some blog content is made viewable to members only due to sensitive and trigger content.

Some blog content are restricted and only accessible to certain site members of the forum due to some trigger sensitive content.

Please note that the site password for private locked sites changes every month.

​J'ai besoin de partager cette folle découverte. J'ai découvert tout récemment que j'avais 10% de sang français du côté ancestral de mon père. Je l'aidais avec ses papiers de sécurité sociale et j'ai regardé sa carte d'identité, sa carte sociale et son acte de naissance, le nom complet de mon père est Sao-Meas Allaire. J'ai demandé à mon père pourquoi son nom de famille était Allaire, ça ne sonnait pas cambodgien, il m'a dit que le nom de sa mère est Sor-Bin Meas et celui de son père est Sorin Allaire, mon grand-père était à moitié français. C'est fou! Puis il m'a raconté l'histoire de ma naissance d'hier soir. Donc mon père est à 75% khmer 25% français et ma mère est 100% japonaise avec une influence khmère. Ça me rend mélangé comme de la merde. Je ne connais même pas le pourcentage de ce avec quoi je suis mélangé. Mon père a également dit que ses proches, les Allaire, étaient d'origine française de la classe supérieure qui ont participé au parti libéral franco-khmer au Kampuchea et que les Meas ont servi la famille royale khmère, c'est-à-dire le prince Sihanouk sous l'armée royale khmère. Il a indiqué que chez lui au Cambodge, sa famille appartenait à la classe supérieure et était riche jusqu'à ce que les Khmers rouges arrivent et tuent 80% des membres de sa famille.

Heartbreak is like a death of someone, true but instead of breaking up, we're just separating. 

I'm just seeing them again.

...

I'm starting to feel really jaded because I'm tired of taking care of other people before me. I'm too nice, too generous, too giving, too over the top with whatever I do for other people that I realize that I'm truly cutting myself short because in the end, I give people what they want but I don't get what I want. All that is about to change. I'm no longer helping other people. I'm helping myself. I'm no longer doing favors for people. I don't want to get entangled with the emotions of other people. I rather keep my distance and mind my own business. I feel that when I stop paying attention to what is outside of me, the more I can focus on my own personal growth, development, and take care of me so I balance some areas of my personal life better. I am withdrawing from certain people to take care of myself for my own future. The sad truth is that I'm not really close with any of the people that I have crossed as I thought. I had been so delusional to think that some people are my close friends when we never really hang out often. So why am I even helping strangers with their rent and copping myself out of $550 last month and suffering financially? So why am I even spending $300 on a holiday gift for someone who probably doesn't even consider me as a loyal friend to begin with and not having a real friendship to start with? Am I this delusional and blind to see that I'm being careless and cheating myself? So I'm tired of taking care of others before me and I'm putting me first before anyone else. It's time I give back to myself and spoil myself this year. Last year, I have done enough for others.

I've been distracted by other people's problems that I have fallen behind on my virtual pastry classes. 

Not going to lie. I love my new career at K&L Wine Merchants.

Comment avez-vous appris le français?
Mon père parle français et cambodgien.
Je suis de nationalité mixte française, cambodgienne et japonaise.
Je parle très bien le français, le cambodgien, le japonais et l'anglais.
J'ai été familiarisé avec la langue française quand j'étais enfant.
J'ai commencé à apprendre la langue française à l'âge de vingt et un ans.
Je ne suis jamais allé à l'école pour étudier le français.
J'ai appris le français avec ma famille, mes amis et mes collègues.
Les langues que je parle le plus sont le français, le cambodgien et le japonais.
Je ne parle anglais qu'aux anglophones.
Je parle ma langue maternelle avec ma famille et mes amis qui la parlent couramment.
J'enseigne mes langues maternelles à tous ceux qui veulent l'apprendre d'un natif.
Je n'enseigne rien de ce qui est enseigné dans les cours de français.
Je parle dans la langue formelle, informelle, argotique ou dialectale de ma région natale.
En cours de français, ils ne mentionnent pas les différents dailects de Paris, Marseille, etc.

1. Don't wash your hair.
2. Wear disposable latex gloves and use shower cap.
3. Don't use heat.
4. Use cream developer 20 for darker hair.
5. Never double bleach your hair in one session.
6. Break up into 2-3 sessions with 14 day break in between.
7. Use deep conditioner.
8. Use application brush.
9. Use tin foil.
10. Section out hair.
11. Apply evenly starting from bottom to the top, in sections.
12. Never try to lather bleach on your hair or scalp.
13. Rinse out with warm water.

So I am bleaching my own hair today. Here are the results. This is the first bleaching session.

I bought some bleaching powder and cream developer 40 to bleach my own hair this week. I want to give myself a whole new appearance makeover. I want to go platinum silver. 

I have decided to switch my Wine With Me blog post days to Monday's instead of Sunday's as I find it harder to catch extra time in the evening to create content and post on Sunday's due to conflicting schedule with my work and pastry classes.